Today is November 4th. I have been putting off my dreaded task of grocery shopping all week. So much so in fact that the only options I had for my friend who visited the other day to munch on as a snack was a handful of trail mix, a few pea chips, and some super dry granola. I find it convenient, probably a little bit too convenient if I am being honest, that Trader Joe’s is located in the same shopping center as T.J. Maxx. I may or may not find myself doing a quick stop at T.J. Maxx on the way to the grocery store just to pick up these make-up remover pads that are always on sale and an occasional candle.
Today is November 4th. Driving into the parking lot, cars and people were everywhere. The kind of everywhere where you have people coming from multiple directions trying to get the last open parking space with cars backed up in all directions and people dodging traffic left and right. It felt like the kind of experience I had on Black Friday as a child when my dad and I would go and people watch at the mall and buy my mom a few items from Bath and Body Works only if the line wasn’t too long. My dad hates lines. Once I finally secured a parking spot, I entered the store. Once again, I will tell you; today is November 4th.
Red and green, Santas, snow globes, reindeer, holiday candles and blankets, wrapping paper, holiday shirts and socks, the holiday pet clothes, people, and grocery carts everywhere. I felt an immediate sense of overwhelm. The world outside of me was moving too fast for what I could handle. I quickly went to the make-up section only to not find my make-up remover pads, and headed straight for the candle section where I found the most amazing Carmel Brulee Latte scented candle that I ever did smell. It was love at first sniff. I headed straight for the checkout line which was stretched far beyond the limits of the maze of items that they try to get you to buy as you are waiting in line. I stood there motionless as I heard, “All I want for Christmas is You” playing in the background. Today is November 4th. As best said by The Animals, “We gotta get out of this place. If it’s the last thing we ever do. We gotta get out of this place. Cause girl, there’s a better life for me and you.”
I ducked and dodged the parking lot of obstacles to make it back to my car. Once I made it inside, I sat there motionless, left overwhelmed, and staring straight ahead at the cars flying by. The world was sprinting quickly around me and I felt dizzied by the speed at which everything was moving. I was in a sea of people surrounded in every direction, yet I felt alone. Completely alone.
How is it possible to feel so alone and unseen when there are so many people moving? The concept of living next to people and not with them is a concept that I have thought about for years. Do you ever find it weird how in many places, the societal norm is to ignore people in your immediate surroundings? In an elevator, don’t talk to anyone. When you sit in a booth at a restaurant across from other people eating with your hair literally almost touching the person’s who is sitting in the booth behind you, don’t say a word. Speaking of touching people, let us now consider the fact that most people sit on airplanes with their legs in some form of contact with the person next to them, yet we often ignore them as if they are not there. Why is our default in society to keep to ourselves instead of interacting with the people around us?
The holiday season is a time that has it’s wonderful moments, but it can also bring up traumas of our past, depression, stress, anxiety, and grief. While the world appears to come alive in the happiness on children’s faces, the bright colored lights, bustling stores, holiday music, cheer, and gatherings with friends and family, this is the time of the year when people struggle the most.
What if we changed our ways this holiday season from consumption to giving. From a focus on giving gifts, to a focus on giving people our full-attention, time, care, and love that every human deserves. What if while going through TJ Maxx, I started a conversation with someone that looked like they may be having a rough day. What if everyone did this? Sometimes just the act of giving a compliment, saying hello, or making a random comment to someone is enough to make them feel connected, and just a little less alone in whatever struggle it may be that they are going through.
November 4th. It is still difficult for me to understand how every year Christmas comes a little bit earlier. The materialism and consumerism that come with the holiday season often make me question if we really know what it is that each other truly needs.
In an attempt to refrain from the materialistic ways of this time of year, a few years ago I started a new family tradition. It took a bit of time to convince my family to agree, but I finally succeeded. We only gift each person three gifts. These are gifts of meaning, of experiences, and of purpose. Instead of opening these gifts on Christmas morning, we go to a local nursing home with a basket full of little presents. I bring my flute and my mom brings her singing voice and her puppet. I get a list of the residents who do not receive any visitors and we visit these people bringing gifts, giving them a personal concert on my flute, and my mom and her pig puppet sing along. These have been the most meaningful Christmases that I can remember since becoming an adult nearly 16 years ago.
I challenge you to find ways to make others feel less alone this holiday season. Find ways to step away from the conventional societal norm of materialism these next few months and step into the ways of creating meaningful experiences, showing an interest in others, and making people feel seen instead of lost in a sea of people. You are not alone. YANA
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